something (2)

        disinterest

can be nothing
or just a small something
a fluttery nothing something

but

what if you noticed it has an edge 
that might cut 

right through the personness of a person 

would you simply say
then 
they should not have left that out there

a thing (6)

A fantasy

you see me
you love me
so much
you want to eat me

you want me      as part of the cells of 
your body

you want me outside too
you want     photocopies 

you want to lock me for safety 

you want to atomise and inhale me 

you want me burnt to ashes

so you can roll around in me 

and feel me between your fingers 

and lick me and taste me

and breathe me

and waste me 

the wasted me un wasted

you want to mix with some soil 

to grow some more,     some more me 

me       everywhere

all me

with still 

a me to   hold

and watch some tv

--

which came first

the hole 

or

realising how you want to be loved 

a thing (5)

I look out the window

to collect evidence
and save in a folder marked
“the why and why not and what of it”

for me to reference

while I'm around

when those thoughts land to sink me

"ah" "what have you done"

I am no doer

I am a portal

in any case, look at this folder

this small collection

look

so many ways to enjoy a tea

so many ways to stand watching

look at these three riding pillion to their lives

/deaths

their will their way their stupidity

look at this uncle look at that child look at her absorb that look in his eyes

look there is boredom

right next to glee

look if you can, at pain overlaid, 

can you bear it

patterns of pain and worry and fear

contrasted with laughter and grief and prayer

maybe don't look directly at the hope of it all

look at this silly ridiculous dog

my heart is a puddle 

my mind 

is an other matter

a folder

for my children to open
on days they have questions
and I’m not around

look at me hoping it helps